Giving a New Meaning to Quitting Cold Turkey

Saturday marks three weeks of vegetarianism. It’s both easier and harder than I thought it would be! For one, other than mild cravings for chicken (caused mostly by feeling extremely hungry more than anything), I’ve had no issues with sticking to my commitment. (Compare this to last year when I tried. I failed within a week due to SEVERE beef cravings). I think this is because I’ve made a big effort to introduce new protein sources to my diet! I’ve been eating a lot of eggs/beans, and now I have a jumbo container of peanuts, and I’ve been having some every day.

On the other hand, do you know how hard it is to find good soup with no animal additives!? Soup has become a new obsession for me, and so SO many of the so-called ‘vegetable soups’ have chicken broth! (Notably, the ‘oriental flavor’ ramen has “beef extract”…. wtf?) I’ve been sticking to the rare vegetable broth vegetable soups, and I’ve found that most types of broccoli cheddar soup are vegetarian (thank god bc it is Heaven). It’s so frustrating though. Who would willingly eat the canned Progresso vegetable soup if they weren’t vegetarian? Just put some vegetable broth in it, for goodness sake.

On a deeper level, it’s really strange for me to be calling myself vegetarian. I used to be one of those (quite common) people who scoffed at the thought of never eating meat again (“Haven’t you ever tried steak!?”) but… my weird, overly compassionate, overly pacifistic streak has been acting up big time for years, and I finally gave into it. Not to mention, I had a huge internal conflict. How could I be so thoroughly disgusted by raw meat and still eat it when it is cooked?! The incongruity ate away at me. I was also really only eating meat 1-2 times a week before this, so it’s not That big of a change.

However, I haven’t decided if I’m going to tell my dad, or just eat meat when I’m at home. My sister has been vegetarian for nearly a year now, and I know that he thinks it is very weird. He considers me a big meat-lover like himself and my stepmom…. I don’t know…. I’m also hugely guilty/afraid to tell him for some reason, like I’d be disappointing him? I’m not sure why.

FInally, I’m also mildly worried that my vegetarianism will be considered/ is ACTUALLY a symptom of my recurring disordered eating… I’ve been having major issues since I’ve gotten back to college… but i’ll address that in another post.

hey look I’m back. I’ve been in a really depressed funk since I’ve been home for the summer, so I really didn’t feel like posting.. Today’s not really any better, but I don’t want this blog to fade into oblivion! I made this to have a catalogue of my life and thoughts, so it would be useless to make a few posts and quit… This summer, the only thing I’ve really done is get my wisdom teeth out and go to Bonnaroo, a music festival in Tennessee. I’ll post about that later! Since then I was supposed to get a job but… it’s been too anxiety inducing to go ask for an application or really leave the house so I’ve been laying about being fucking worthless and mildly suicidal. good times. I watched like 3 animes and read 74 chapters of a new manga, and I’ve been teaching myself Japanese. so basically I’m not contributing to society at all lol. Escapism is my talent though, so it’s not really a surprise to me… ah well, hopefully I can finish my application to outback tonight, and maybe get a job? I worked there before.. that’s all for now folks. Later I want to post pictures of all the bands I saw at bonnaroo and talk about my experiences!!! so look forward to that if you’re interested, I guess.

Evening Adventures

Tonight one of the girls on my hall decided to take my friends and I out to dinner! which is always stressful bc restaurant food always seems to be horrifically awful for you… but we went to this awesome place, Rubio’s something or other, which is basically a place known for it’s fish tacos. and, they, are, awesome. I’d never had fish tacos bc I find the whole concept to be weird, but they are relatively low cal and actually really delicious. I had some kind of tilapia taco with jalapeno cole slaw on it (weird bc i also dislike cole slaw), and a bunch of different salsas. I couldn’t bring myself to finish the tacos, but I had a couple of tortilla chips and I don’t think anyone noticed/cared.

Afterwards, I really needed coffee creamer so we walked over to the Walmart nearby, and what was supposed to be a quick stop turned into us running around the store for nearly an hour. There’s just something so exciting about the variety of foods in a grocery store after 8 months of being stuck on campus for some reason. I got way too many things I didn’t need T_T but somehow I only spent 14$?

All the food I have in my room is seriously freaking me out now though because I don’t tend to keep food in my fridge!! I keep trying to rigidly plan out what I can/can’t eat, which is highly annoying but also makes me feel like the food is controllable this way. I can’t explain this feeling so I’m just rambling, sorry!

Highlights: Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra (has a caramel core <3), Chobani coffee chocolate greek yogurt (weird? but also in perfect caloric serving sizes and I really wanted to try it, Bailey’s Irish Creme Creamer (guilty pleasure, I try not to count creamer calories in order to keep my sanity)

I tried some of the Karamel Sutra and oh. my. god. If the whole thing wasn’t well over 1000 calories I would’ve gone through the whole thing in a split second. HEAVEN. I’ve been wanting to try the B&J ice cream with a core ever since I saw a post about it on tumblr. I can’t wait to try the yogurt tomorrow~

I got distracted by food! I meant to describe how fun it was running around Walmart with my friends and stuff, these moments are the reason I try to eat a reasonable amount of calories… I don’t want to lose this.